Post by ÇhümÞ on May 15, 2008 12:19:51 GMT -5
Q: I heard that cardiovascular excercise can prolong life, is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on excercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies... What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take all the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can i calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular excercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain, Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTINING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definatly not! When you excercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! "Round" is a shape!
Well, I hope this cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid sideways, beer in one hand, chocolate in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride"
And for those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks and Americans.
The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
In conclusion eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apperantly what kills you!
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on excercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies... What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take all the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can i calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular excercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain, Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTINING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definatly not! When you excercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! "Round" is a shape!
Well, I hope this cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid sideways, beer in one hand, chocolate in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride"
And for those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks and Americans.
The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
In conclusion eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apperantly what kills you!
